It's a Rainy Day

A contemplative day. Not what I expected from today, but I embrace it, nonetheless. This morning while Meiners and Sashi absorbed their new favorite show (Go Diego, Go!), I sneaked onto two of my daily must-reads just to see what was there. I didn't plan to read them, per se, I just wanted to know that there'd be something to read later - during PM Kindergarten and nappy-time. I got sucked in. Briefly. And I decided to return later. To This.

Now, if you are still here, reading my shallow little blog, then I have some deeper words for you today, as well. Except they aren't mine. They are hers. But I am borrowing them to document them here for my eternity - for my space (because a link doesn't print when you make your blog a book). So, please accept my sincere apologies for taking your words, A. Ann. But they - along with NieNie in general - have struck to my very core this week.


I've thought about how easy it is to be all sweet and smiley on the outside. . . the inside being all wrong.

Talk about a lesson in HEART training. God isn't interested in how good and christian I can act or look -- lots of big smiles and sweet talk. He's interested -- no MORE than interested -- He actually came to save me from that type of deceptive living and birth me into new life!

Which is what I pray for my children - a salvation from outward form, salvation from outward behavior that covers up the running in the other direction in their hearts. I cannot forsake prayer.

I desire my children to behave - to say please and thank you and respect authority and all that. We require this. But seriously, what good is this outward form, this outward behavior, if their hearts are not changed, if their inward lives are not transformed by God's power? Ultimately, it could even be a deterrent, a hindrance in knowing God, because they may think they are good, when they are not.

I don't want to raise little hypocrites. . . who grow up to be big ones. Who will rely on their good deeds, and be blinded to their deceptive sinful hearts that need a Savior. Oh, I pray no. I have asked the Lord to show me how to cry out to their hearts and not just to their heads about why we do what we do.

I am so needy for God in this parent occupation. There are a lot of books, and seminars and speakers and even well meaning people who seem to have all the "right" answers on child training and are more than willing to give them even if they've never raised children themselves!

But honestly, it all becomes overwhelming and sometimes I truly wonder if the answer is as simple as not living for myself but for God as a wife/mother, and teaching them as well, that life does not revolve around them, but God and others!

And to live what I say I believe.
------
~At a football game Saturday, before getting out of the car, I heard myself say, "Now, guys let's not run all over the bleachers and climb on the railings and scare every one there trying to watch the game. Let's sit still and watch the game and cheer Scott on. . . "

And then it was like a flash of lightening buzzing through my head - "WHY? but why do I tell them this? for what reason? so others will think well of us? so I won't be humiliated? so I don't have to go to the ER in the middle of the game because one of them has fallen from the bleachers?"

Okay, that last one, yes. yes, good reason to tell them this.

I was looking into the eyes of all these children and they were listening to me and what were they grasping? In essence, what was my own heart and what was I training them in? Outward formality or something more?

I thank God for the Holy Spirit who is our Helper. I sensed this little tap, tap, tap inside my heart, "Hey, Alyssa, tell them the reason behind the action. Get to the heart."

". . .Guys, you know why we don't run on the bleachers and jump around and climb on the railings? It's not because I am wanting you to make me look good as a mommy or because I am trying to make you perfect little kids, or because I don't want you to have fun. . .

It's because in the Bible God tells us to love Him and loving Him is to love others. It's the greatest commandment, remember? Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love others as yourself. . . If God is working in your heart, you will desire to love Him and to love others. Is it loving to others to be running all over the bleachers so that they cannot see the game or enjoy the game?"

"No. . ." they replied.

"Is it loving to the women in the stands who don't have many children to see boys hanging from the bleachers looking like they will fall?"

"No. . ." they replied.

"Would it show love to Scott to cheer him on and support him in his game?"

"Yes. . ."

"So why we do what we do is because we love Jesus. It's not for people, it's not for me, it's not because we want others to think we are this great, well behaved family. It's because we love Jesus, and to love Jesus is to also love others...so do you see why I say what I say? It's not just because, and it's not about me. It's about God. Everything we do should be for Him. It's about love."

I find myself, the older the children get, talking a lot about this. Explaining in a simple way that religious behavior, or good deeds, or outward formality is not what God is after. And it's not what I am after as a parent. The heart - the relationship with God - the motive. That's where it lies.

The children are very honest with me where they feel they are spiritually. I tell them honestly where I am too. I ask them for prayer from them. There are times when I am beyond knowing what to do or I am struggling with attack in my thoughts, dealing with unforgiveness, or hurt, or whatever - feeling defeated - and I just outloud tell God about it right there with them and ask for help.

I want them to know that I am willing for them to see my weaknesses and confess, yet, that when I am weak, God is strong. I want to live out for them being real, not pretending that I am any better than them, or that I have arrived. That I am growing in my relationship with the Lord, just as they are. . .

That we are all in a process - confessing one to another, forgiving each other, giving mercy and grace to one another, encouraging each other to press on - despite failure - to humble ourselves before each other and God and look to HIM for strength.

My desire to be real before God and others has motivated them to want to do the same - sometimes I am challenged by their zeal and love for God as they pour out their hearts in prayer before Him. I listen to their hearts, crying out for revival in their own lives and I am brought to tears -- because I have not been so diligent as they have to seek this.

Disappointed House Hunter

I answered the phone early this morning to the sound of JT's voice. Our conversation was brief but full of assurances that we were both indeed fine. We didn't get the house - either our offer was beat out or the bank didn't think it was enough. Either way, we stay where we are.

It wouldn't be honest to tell you I'm not sad. My heart ached this morning more than I wanted it to hurt. I didn't make time to shed any tears, but I think I could have. It wouldn't have mattered. Overwhelmingly beyond the grief of the dream extinguished is the reality that our family has been covered in His cloak of pure blessings. My only prayer throughout the process of trying to buy this other home - all 8 months of it now - was that God would do what was best for our family. I prayed the same prayer earnestly day after day.

Today I rest assured that this remains where we are meant to be. This is home.

.............

Check back later this week for a view of Pookie's slick giraffe-print city jacket (I have two seams left to sew and 6 buttons to add - and I'm DONE! Instant Giraffe Diva!) and some ways I've found to decorate on a budget!

Math Minute

This morning after dropping the twins off at school, I returned home to T's homework sitting on the kitchen table. Math Minute problems are meant to be practiced at home before Friday's big Math Minute test (10 addition facts finished in a minute or less). I was a little surprised at T's work. I mean, he's a reeeeeeeeeeally smart kid - the only kid in his class to qualify for the school's gifted program - he woke up the other morning and met me face to face at my bed (I was a little groggy and caffeine needy, I'll admit) with the following announcement (again, he's in second grade ... ):

"Mom! I know what 1million + 182 + 50 - 100 + 1 = ... 1,000,133."

What?! Where's the coffee ...

Wait a minute ... What?!

Tell me your math problem again, T.

"I saaaid, '1million + 182 +50 -100 +1 =1,000,133.'"

Uhhhm. Yeah, I think you're right, T. That's really good, Buddy. Now, where's the coffee ...

Imagine my surprise, therefore, when this morning I came home to this:

(note: the circles and arrows were added by me)

T has not once shown signs of dyslexia before. I don't think he's reversed a 7 since preschool. I've worried lately that maybe he's under too much pressure - placed on himself, by us, by school ... maybe he was truly reaching a breaking point. Or maybe he was being silly. I set the paper aside to speak one-on-one with T later ...

Tonite, I found a quiet moment, showed him the paper and prompted him to share what was going on. "I didn't do this, Mom." Keep in mind, T's a super kid. He tows the line and then some. But it's a full moon out and the boy can act just as squirrely as the next kid. And lately he has, believe me! So I looked him straight in the eye and started my lecture about honesty amidst my concerned discussion about math and writing numbers correctly and what could have caused these reversals ... "Honest, Mom. It wasn't me." By now, I'm starting to get mad. The reasonable, compassionate, concerned-over-stress-induced-new-found-dyslexia-in-my-sweet-baby-boy mommy had flown the coop. I stood in her place. Ever so quietly, and so as not to be noticed, Meiners had sneaked up beside us and stood nonchalantly listening to our conversation. I glanced in his direction. Understanding sinking in. I turned to Meiners.

"Meinie, did you finish this paper?"

He hung his head.

Laughing, I repeated, "Meiners, did you finish this math paper?"

He has always believed he was born a triplet. This sweet little boy who is only 5 and sits at the dinner table soaking in all the math and spelling questions that Daddy uses to quiz the big kids. He's been listening. And the boy can do math. Maybe a little backwards. But darn good for a 5 year-old kindergartener!

Dashes of Life - or - Life, Continued

Life is more than just a dash. More than a dash to the supermarket. More than a dash to finish dinner. More than a dash between two dates ...

Life is busy here at No.6 Cottage

(I smile inwardly, writing that).

Saturday JT and I spent an evening with his boss and co-workers, learning how to make incredibly tasty appetizers and enjoying a tour of their company's new building while my mom watched the kids at home.

Sunday we spent the afternoon at Busch Stadium eating countless hotdogs, pretzels, nachos, brats, and popcorn - all for just the $5 it cost to park! Hooray for Founders' Day tickets!

JT with the kids at the ballpark Sunday

Monday, I took my brood to the zoo because there was no school. It was the first time Sash refused to sit in the stroller, so all four kids ran haphazardly through the zoo in different directions ... ultimately all in the same direction, though, so that was good! I wandered behind, relishing that they all still enjoy hanging out with dear old Mom on their days off. I barely rememer those days of just two toddling around that same beloved spot ... Monday I took in the smells and the tastes and the moments and tried to memorize them. Gone in a flash. I feel fortunate to enjoy these times.

summer '05 - Pooks & T listen intently to the docent teach about spotted big cats

(I think that was Broken Arm #3, to anyone keeping track...)

On Monday Meiners takes care of big sis on the train

Last night we were finally able to put an offer on 'the house.' It's taken 8 months to return to this place. I almost don't care anymore. But I have diligently been praying that God would open or close doors based on what is best for our family. I don't know the way this will turn out - but He does - and in that, I find peace and contentment.

first 'posted' photo of "the house"

This weekend, we celebrate 11 years of marriage - and JT has planned a sweet time for us together while his parents enjoy some grandkid time.

October 4, 1998 - October 4, 2009 (+)
February - September
Monday - Friday
1 - 4

Dash.

I thank God that my dash is being spent living a blessed life.

Life

We have been following the Dave Ramsey financial plan - at least loosely - for over a year (debt free exept the house - WOOHOO!). From a 'cash flow' standpoint, we utilize an envelope system, meaning that, for us, all our miscellaneous and food expenses is pulled from the bank twice a month and put into an envelope. Any money I need to spend for a two week period comes from the envelope. (Read: allowance?! Don't care, Ladies. It totally works to keep us on budget!!!)


Recently, my husband said:

Honey, ever since we went to the envelope system, it seems like we haven't
been eating quite as well!

Ya think?! I have a budget now, dude! We can't eat willy nilly when we don't have the cash to follow through with that 'concept!' (the concept being spending beyond your means...) ... and buy those necessary more-wintery clothes for the children, a few home decor items here and there, a school fundraiser, etc...

Tonite, however, I fed the family like I used to...but with fiscal responsibility! (And it felt great!) A few weeks ago, I bought the newest Martha Stewart Everyday Foods mag. The recipe for marinated chicken, mint cucumbers, and pita bread intrigued me. Tonite, as I went to prepare said meal, I discovered very few of the necessary ingredients in the cupboard. Instead, I grabbed some left over Mrs. Dash Zesty Garlic Herb marinade from the fridge and tossed it onto my budget frozen breasts (chicken breasts), poured ranch dressing (with just a touch of lemon zest) over my english cuke instead of the special Greek yogurt dressing from the original recipe, and went ahead and heated up the pitas I'd purchased. We. ate. it. all. Even The Picky Princess, who, all the way home from musical theatre class loudly and coarsely reminded me what she thinks of chicken, gushed over the final chicken product.

And we discovered pitas are fun. They are, after-all, a pocket.

Drama Queen

Yeah, if you know us, you may think this post is about Pookie. In a way - a very roundabout way - I suppose it is. Yet, it's no more about her than it is about me. But here I am.

This has been an ugly week full of lies, betrayal, ... drama. Well, maybe not quite those things. It's not like I live on Wisteria Lane. It's just not been a favorite in the annals of my history.

I don't enjoy drama. Especially chick political drama. I prefer to fly under the radar and perform best in the creative design realm. Design Star? Perhaps. Desperate Housewife? I think not!

Interestingly, God prepared me even for this - this week. Sometimes life isn't pretty. And it's not just the big hurdles of health that we are called to jump over - or faithfulness or employment or finances or whatever personal struggles we have been allowed. Sometimes it's being late to the doctor. Or choosing between enticing extracurricular activities. Or negotiating traffic. Whatever it is. The Hurdle.

It's Life.

It's pruning.

It's God calling us to a higher purpose and a better response. And when our response is:
Why God? Why?

It is knowing before you ask that the reason is unimportant. It's the process of how we manage ourselves through the race and what we learn from it. It's God guiding us to the "What can I learn from this" answer. That He is King and reigns over all. That no matter how 'bad' it is - He wins.

p.s. my husband rocks!

Giraffes...GRRRRRRRR!

Halloween's approaching. I know, it's, like 6 weeks away or something. Half of you probably already have your children's costumes made/purchased and they're hanging in the closet. Or half of you have no idea what your kids want to be for Halloween - or you know, but you've made no moves towards it. It's 6 weeks away, after-all. Either way, I'm right. I know I'm right.

Last year we had THE best Halloween. It was a beautiful WARM Halloween night (unheard of in St. Louis in ALL my years of living here)! Plus, the four kids living under this roof were decked out in complimentary Star Wars regalia. They were stinkin' cute. (Even though I am biased.) To this day, people stop me to inquire about "Baby Yoda." (OK, it's half the second grade class where the twins attend. Whatever. Ok. Maybe three kids. Or two. )

So what to do this year? How can you compete with the BEST Halloween Evah?! Well, I've started prodding the youngins to start brainstorming their ideas.

One: a pirate. easy peasy.

Another: (Mr. Frugalisto) - Karate Kid (gee - no costume needed, just wear your uniform, Buddy. Are you sure you want to be 'just' a karate guy? ... OK. no prob.)

Baby: Ehmo. (translated, of course means Elmo.) ebay, check.

Fashionista: a giraffe. che--- wait a minute, what? You were a giraffe when you were, like, 3. Are you sure you want to be a giraffe? (I say to the person who wants to be a zoo keeper ... and moonlights as a fashion designer.) Seems easy enough. Check ebay. No. Every giraffe is no bigger than a 4T. Granted, she's tiny. But she ain't that tiny.

...

...

...

What to do.

God Bless Google. (Again.)
Lookie at this li'l number. Cauuuuute!

Although I'm not payin' such a pretty price for such a pretty giraffe skirt, I AM trying to find a jacket that looks something like this (Pookie's pretty Target print):


Pair that in a perfect giraffe print fabric with a pair of $10 giraffe ears and a tail, plus a nice black turtle neck and mini skirt underneath and a pair of black fashionable boots - voila! The 8 year-old's giraffe costume.

Anyone know where I can get a pattern for a jacket that looks like my drawing?
Seriously, anyone?

edited to add: I found a suitable one that comes with 27 different sizing options via a Canadian pattern company...seems like I should be able to get Little Diva her jacket out of that! Bought the boots today...we're on our way to The World's Most Stylish Giraffe!
(I'll post pics as soon as she's ready!)