Tuesday, May 18, 2010

on finding contentment

On finding contentment when your life is in turmoil. Yeah, I know. It's not like my kid's in the hospital or my marriage is on the brinks. But this still feels like a cross that I am bearing - this I-have-no-stinking-idea-what-we-are-going-to-do-whether-we-stay-or-whether-we-move place that we are in right now. We drove out to see three more houses last night. I absolutely LOVED the first one and knew I would die happy in that house. My husband hated the hilly neighborhood. He absolutely LOVED the second one - with the custom-third-tucked-under-garage-man-cave and the yard the size of Busch stadium. He would die happy in the man cave, for that I am sure. I hated the house. Neither of us liked the third one for the fact that it was in the boonies and had one of those 1 1/2 story balconies that just calls to a kid to dare another to leap off onto the couch below. Yeah right. No way ~ no how.

So, today I fight tears of pressure and guilt and anxiety and sadness and fear and uncertainty and frustration and I reach for a blanket. Because a picnic in the front yard with the sun shining down makes me breathe and know that He is still there. And that's all I need to know to find Contentment.
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