We're back in The House Hunt again. Maybe we never left?
Funny: Our realtor emailed yesterday and informed us The Money Pit - the house of our future dreams (you know - after you gutted every room and resurfaced the whole exterior --- that far future...) sold for $250 over our August offer - and get this: $10,000 less than what we offered last February. Whatever. I think God sent a pretty clear sign (you know - when they outright rejected our no-contingencies offer back in August...only to accept an offer for $250 more 7 months later). As He always has when it comes to this moving thing. I've long-since moved beyond that house and its awful cigarette smell and constant need for upkeep and its proximity to our Familiar.
Hubby and I go back and forth. So much, it seems like a broken record to me and I hate to even write a post about it, because - aren't we always "looking at a house?"
We walked the neighborhood today - the kids and I - the first time outdoors since the flu took us all by storm over the weekend. I love our neighborhood. It's humble. It's safe. It's quiet. It's comfortable. We have good friends here. And a good school. And an amazing church. It's home.
And then we have this house. Refurbished in every room itself! Cozy. Comfortable. Small. But cozy and humble and safe and quiet and comfortable and close to good friends and close to a good school and to an amazing church. Home.
Then there's the backyard. Which, in the summer is used to its fullest. Swim parties and barbeques with family, and friends, and neighbors. The gammut goes on in the back in the summer. The rest of the year, the kids play indoors. Or - if more than two go out at a time, I let them in the front. Because our backyard is a mighty hill. Good for sledding in the winter. Maybe. If you stop before the fence. Otherwise, you end up a creek. Literally.
Thursday this week we go to see another house. Far away. A different school district - one that goes all year! A different place. Not unfamiliar - I lived near there during grad school. And loved it. But not Familiar anymore. Close to Hubby's work. No more rolling over in the morning to a cold indentation of the pillow where his head once lay. No more reheating dinner while he tucks the kids into bed. Close. And a beautiful house. In pictures, anyway. Lots of trees and a neighborhood pool.
I have already moved there in my head. To get a feel of the place. To see if we would be happy there.
Because I Fear the unknown. I Fear change. I Worry.
I Know there will be no end to The Looking until We Move. For better or worse. I would be happy to live Here. Forever. But what if The Better is out there waiting for me to find it and I'm just happy living Here?