I could have just as easily titled this post
FEAR
Sleep has evaded me lately. Well, let's just be honest. For about 7 1/2 years now. But recently, it's not due to the children.
Last Sunday, we took the family on a little walk. It was such an inspirational idea. The weather was nice - a little chilly with the unassuming wind, but nice enough to bring out all the bikes and bicycle helmets, the stroller, the dogs --- we made quite a sight with our own little parade headed down the sidewalks of our neighborhood. Add to that the occasional - OK, constant screaming coming from Sasha in the stroller and the less-often heard shouts of anger from the older siblings as they jockeyed for first-in-line position, complete with left hooks as one rode perilously past another and then more noise as everyone now behind the Original Orangatan guffawed at the first's audacity.
Anyway, we made our way through the streets. We enjoy gazing at homes as we pass --- discussing, dreaming...and my husband mentioned 'if that one house ever goes up for sale...' And lo and behold, it was. And we grabbed the pamphlet. And we gaped at the price. And we called the realtor.
image from This Old House
It seems this house is in preforeclosure. It's called a 'short sale.' I can't tell you all of what that means. But what I can tell you is that this house is quite charming. On the outside. And on the inside, well, to say it requires a lot of work would be an understatement. So, we made an offer. A very low offer. And now we wait.
I'm not good with waiting. I'm not good with change. I sit here this morning in some sort of limbo. I love the potential of this home. It is a property where we could raise our children to adults and see them return for future Christmases with their own families. I can romanticize certain aspects of the home from now til eternity. But the reality is, the kitchen is barely livable for our family of six. The children's bedrooms are no bigger than our current ones. The work to be done to make the house just clean is daunting.
Our current home is not the home we moved into. It's frame and walls remain, but the home that we built here is literally the home that we built here. To my specifications. By the sweat and blood of my husband. And it's hard to imagine starting over.
Yet I would love to. To go into a home where the price was right enough that I could make it my own. Not one that is already done and the price reflects it, leaving no room for us financially to make any changes that I might want. This one, though rough around far more than just the edges, gives us flexibility.
And so we wait. Our realtor says it might be three to six weeks (so much for 'deadlines') before we have an answer. And I wait.
Anyone up for taking a walk?
