There is much that 'could have been' in life. Today, the nurse shared what 'could have been' with Sashi. And I could again see the blessings.
In 80% of cases with children under the age of 3 experiencing appendicitis (which is rare, in and of itself in a child this age), the appendix has already ruptured by the time it is diagnosed. This morning there was talk of children who require morphine drips, weeks of IV antibiotics ...
Monday, Sashi had the stomach flu. Pooks sort of looked like she had it earlier in the day - but, she also had two nose bleeds while at the park, so I didn't attribute her nausea, etc. with illness until I put Sashi to bed that night and found myself changing her sheets --- 3x.
Tuesday, Sashi was quiet. She sat through Pookie and me pampering ourselves with real live pedicures at the salon and didn't utter a word. (highly unlike her!) Nothing really seemed amiss - I assumed she was just slowly recovering from Monday's quick illness.
Tuesday night at about 11:30, Sashi woke up screaming. Absolute gut-wrenching screaming. I could settle her down and another wave of screaming commenced. By 12:30 in the morning, with little people starting to toss and turn down the hall and dogs pacing, I threw in the towel and called the nurse's exchange. She heard one wail from the baby and asked me which hospital I wanted to visit that night. I chose one. A few hours later, an x-ray of her abdomen behind us (and not even another whimper out of her - go figure), the ER doc gave me two choices. Admit her so they could watch her and feed her at 8AM to see what happened. Or take her home and feed her at 8AM, then call the pediatrician to report. Gee. For frequent hospital flyers, that's a no brainer.
At 6:30 in the morning, at home, the screaming recommenced. By 9:00, I was at my wit's end again and called the nurse. Our pediatrician didn't give us a choice of where to go. She sent us to Children's. Unhappy that just an x-ray had been done at the previous hospital, she requested a sonogram of the belly. After the sonogram showed two possible scenarios and a CT scan had shown conclusively, Children's diagnosed the real issue - appendicitis - and requested an OR for Sashi.
By 8PM, the surgeon came to discuss what he had found. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 the worst, Sashi's perforation had been about a one. My husband praised me for my diligence. I smiled, but I knew truly it had been me at a loss for how to comfort her that sent me to phone the nurse in the first place. The pediatrician had made the right call, really. I had just dialed the numbers.
This morning, after a very challenging day yesterday (who needs pain medicine, anyway, when you're just 2, less than 24 hours post surgery, and can't speak for yourself...don't get me started), today Sashi has shown remarkable improvement (Gee. Tylenol. The Wonder Drug.) and the surgeon speaks (with two hands behind his back and all fingers crossed ... plus half his toes) that she may go home by the end of the weekend - on oral antibiotics.
So, I sat this morning, contemplating. And I realized. How often do I refer to myself as "Cranky Mommy"? I'm going to start calling myself "Joyful Mommy." Because I have much to find joy in. And far less to be cranky about.