I don't know if we experience just a handful of truly life changing moments. Or if we truly receive these moments...daily. I don't know. But I do know there are some people out there. Some books out there that they wrote. Even some websites. They know more than me. More than I do. And I want to share them with all who will listen. Because aren't we here to encourage one another? Aren't we meant to learn from one another and to lift each other up? I pray my kids won't make the same mistakes I did. I do. They will. But, not if I can (try to) help it.
One thing is this. I have lived a...sort of resentful existence for some time now. Resentment. Wow. That's harsh. And sad. It was towards my husband. He has a life = a job. People respect him. He has risen the corporate ladder, and he has arrived. I have given birth to his children and ... I have not risen. I have fallen. I am the snot-wiper. The poop-cleaner. The bather. The taxi driver. The one on the job 24/7. There are no trips to sunny places. No full nights of sleep. I am woken nightly. By bloody noses or wimpering babies or peed-on-myself toddlers. My job is hard. No pats on the back. No 'good job here's a raise' for me. And I was tired. And I was lonely. And I was sad. Very sad on the inside.
Then I found a book. I went looking for a book that I would write for women like me. Something funny. Something spiritual. Something with a step-by-step guide to pull myself out of the funk and appreciate where I am kind of book. And God sent me this:
Passionate Housewives Desperate for God
It wasn't exactly what I was looking for. It wasn't anything like what I was looking for. It wasn't funny. Well, I don't remember laughing, anyway. But I probably did. What I did for sure, however, was read that book cover to cover. I stayed up late. Knowing I would be woken just minutes after turning out the light. But it was worth it. It was exactly what I needed.
Here's what I learned. This is a path I have chosen. I could certainly choose another path. Where I had a boss who didn't listen. Didn't love me. Didn't care about me. Didn't care if I worked way past everyone else, well into the night. Whether I stayed late to make sure I turned in reports on time. Where I wiped the noses of someone else's kid. Taught other kids to talk while mine sat in someone else's lap at daycare.
Instead, I have chosen a blessed path. A path where I work for my husband. Who listens. Who loves me. Who would lay down his life for me. Where the support I provide him furthers the kingdom of God and our family. The one we are building. Together. The path where I can choose to be "a curse or a blessing" (page 109). To summarize, the authors of this book reminded me that a Godly wife manages her house so her husband can do the job God set before him - providing for the family. "He trusts her judgment. He relies on her skills and doesn't have to bear a double burden." I am to show him respect and honor.
My husband is a good man. He is a hard-worker and a good dad. He is also a sinner. He is not perfect and neither am I. We were meant to grow through this life together. Me doing my job and him doing his.
Thanks for listening. And read the book. I hope you'll see, as I did, that there is more contentment in this life than discontentment. If we choose to appreciate the job we have. And do it as if doing so for God.
Oh. And P.S. It's still a hard job. I just approach it differently. And therein is the Life Change.