Edited to add: Did I mention I was feverish when writing this post? Yup, I wasn't feeling well, which added to the desperation I was expressing. And it was more about how I looked that night than the challenge of raising S. Ever look in the mirror and think "Wow! Who is THAT?!"
THANK YOU for your sweet, uplifting responses...
OK, so really, it's about me - the woman in the mirror. Wow. I love and appreciate each of my kids. I think I've said it before, though, that #4 has taken me places I never dreamed I'd go. I mean, I've been through my fair share of sleepless nights with #2. But #4 takes it to a whole new level. Maybe it's because I'm older now. I think I handled three kids pretty well. I remember mostly being happy. I remember sleep. Even with three. But four? Four kids. I looked at myself, wide awake at 3:00AM this morning, after having rocked Baby S for the umpteenth time in the midst of the misery of her teething, sinus infected, stuffed up toddler state. And the person looking at me. That person in the mirror. That was a grandmother. Not a mid-30's young, happenin', hip, cool mom like I think I used to be. I'm old. And tired. And stressed.