Thursday, January 22, 2009

Caution: Sad Ahead

I'm reading all these funny bloggers and I just can't seem to find the funny in me tonite. A dear 7 week-old baby had her second open heart surgery yesterday and all went well and today it all went to hell. And I'm sorry for saying that - I don't say stuff like that. But they took her back into the OR, and they took down the repair they'd made yesterday because it was making her very sick and now they don't know what to do. And that sucks. And I'm sad for this young mom and dad who just want to take their baby girl home and love her. Because that's all any of us want to do. And being a parent is so doll gone hard and then you add this crap to it. And it sucks. And that's not very eloquent. And don't come read my blog for the first time and find this post. Because it stinks, too.

But I love this baby and I've never laid eyes on her. And I love this mom and dad. Because I know what it's like. I know what it's like to fight until you can't even cry any more. And to sit and wait for someone to make a decision that they really don't even know is the right or the wrong one either. It's medicine, for crying out loud. They're supposed to know. That's why we entrust our sweet babies to them. And they are human, too. And that stinks, too. Because they're tangible. And sometimes God doesn't feel tangible. And yet He holds us up. Even when we're falling flat drunk on the ground from fear. And all the eloquence in the world doesn't fix it. But God can. And I pray that He takes them in His arms and He carries them through it. Not beyond it. But through it. And with their baby. Because the alternative steals part of my heart, too. And she's not my baby. But she is. And I miss the babies we've lost. And I want to keep the rest. Hear that, God? I want to keep the rest. Here with me. You can't have her. Can I be David, God? Can I yell at you and you still love me? Can I be mad and you forgive my heart? I'm sorry God. But sometimes life sucks. Please make it better.

Please God. Make her better.
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